Boredom struck last night, so I decided that something needed to be done (cause it sure as hell wasn't going to be anything productive). Thusly, I grabbed a bottle of Hennessy and a glass and took a minute outside to smoke and prime myself with a couple glasses. Then I grabbed my two nearest accomplices, demanded that they also take their meds (because we're all legit, right?), grab a bottle, turn on their inner bastards and let's go make everyone we can find hate us!
Now, I'm not going to tell you how much I ripped off, because who cares. I don't want to brag, but it was kind of a lot. So there.
Anyway, we went and found some alcoholey props so that our looming debauchery might be passed off as fair to decent roleplay (some of us handled it better than others) and we set out to entertain ourselves and the masses.
It didn't start out very well, sadly. The first thing I stole was a cursed diopside (how passe, right?) which prevented me from silently stowing my pilfered goods for a few minutes, but I figured screw it, I'll just be obvious about it for a while since that was kind of the point. Unable to find a cleric or a scroll to uncurse my glittering diopside, we continued to harass Mr. Diopside himself while I robbed and flirted with everything that passed through Icemule. Mr. Diopside himself had little to say and kept wondering why we were being such bastards toward him. As a player, I happen to be familiar with the guy and I'll confess here that I picked on him pretty simply because he's kind of a pompous and insecure idiot who needs everyone to like him. As someone not terribly good at the social game, I can recognize my own and assert dominance in the wild.
Then, all my problems were solved. I was arrested! No more diopside! I also stole the the red flannel jailhouse garb out of spite. Then I accidentally gave it back. Anyway, Mr. Diopside and his diopside defenders weren't being interesting and Icemule, this taking place rather late into the night, was emptying and everyone was already poor, so we took the circus to Wehnimer's.
Oh, before I go on, I also managed to get my hands on some fleshsore bulbs or whatever they were called, which we tested on one of our willing cohorts. Turns out it was intensely poisonous. He very nearly didn't make it.
So, armed with deadly planty bits and bad intentions, we finally made it to Town Square Central where we found plenty of fresh future victims (I don't consider anyone a potential victim, because that would be giving myself less credit than I deserve -- they would all definitely become victims). Back to our aptly named planty bits, though; we of course had to do something with them. So we found people in need of whatever they were in need of and start claiming that this would help them with whatever they needed! Yes, folks, it really was that simple! You're diseased? Why, don't let the nasty nomenclature of this miracle bulb fool you! It'll take right good care of that generic problem you have! The second person fell for it. The first person knew was it was, so I helped myself to her belongings for presuming to be smarter than me. Then I helped myself to the dead poisoned person's stuff. She had a lot of stuff, too. It took a while get get all of that.
Okay. I need to digress for just a moment. How have people not figured out that they just need to close their crap? I was more than slightly amazed that even after it came to light that I'd stolen from everybody (we'll get to how that happened in a second; it's bad; and by bad, I mean hard core), people still didn't think to close their containers. What's up with that?
Okay. Back to the story. Eventually, some mage comes in and I notice him flashing around his wealth, so I turn my malice on him. While I'm robbing him, someone decides to cast colors. I have no idea why I joined that group, because why the hell would I need colors? I don't even remember joining it! After a minute or two in this massies group, I whisper to the group -- which I thought was my own group of inglorious bastards -- that I can't believe how much I'm taking this mage for! So while I'm waiting for their reply, the mage whispers to me that I'd better not be stealing from him, and I'm like "NO WAIT!! WHY DOES HE KNOW!!"
So now the mage knows. And so does everyone else, cause I freakin' told the whole group. Everyone chuckles and stares and blah blah blah, but the mage is out to get me. He took a minute to glance over my profile, etc, to figure out if he can take me (my rogue isn't terribly high in level) and he eventually pops back in the room and rapid fire boils me, missing every time! I don't think I ridiculed him enough for this. He doesn't give up, though. Instead of trying to kill me, he decides that he and I are going to compete. He goes and gets a needle or whatever and dares me to steal from him, so I stole from everyone else and told him that it was his stuff and ridiculed him even more. Eventually, he gave up and we became good friends (seriously).
At this point, time is just passing; people are coming in and out less a gem here and there and eventually a warrior shows up. I'm sure someone told him I was thieving because he started flaunting a sylvarraend ruby in my general direction (which apparently was a chrism gem, which can't be stolen, which is stupid <nudge, nudge>). Little do I know, he's also got some permanent anti-theft item which bites off my hand every once in a while. This guy went overboard on the traps, too. He had a needle, jaws and whatever this bitey thing was. I set them all off at some point during the drunken escapades. After a couple of those, he kills me and goes off to jail. I laid there dead for quite some time, continuing to flirt with things, you know, just to make sure there were no necrophilia fetishists in the area. There probably were. My attention span at this point was about five seconds focused. Eventually, the warrior comes back and I made him take me to the municipal cleric, which he dutifully accomplished. Turned out to be a nice guy. I made friends with him, too. Everybody likes thieves, apparently.
And I'm tired of writing, so I'll just sort of end it here. Lots of other funny and crazy things happened, but they were all of lesser import and would take too long to tell you about. So there. Go forth and pilfer! Generate some activity somewhere in this inactive world. People seem to be happy just to have anything at all out of the ordinary happen between their hunt/rest cycle, even you, blatantly robbing them. I had a great time, and I think everyone else did too.
Random Stats
Total Arrests: 7
My Total Arrests: 2
Total Murders: 1
Total "Accidental" Murders: 1
Entire Towns Pilfered: 2
Dates Acquired: 2
Boils Dodged: 7
Number of Times Webbed/Bound/Stunned/Ewaved: innumerable
Good times.
~Brian
