Once upon a time, there was a Warrior Mage named Frogspawn. Frogspawn was like unto an oracle, a veritable fount of wisdom. I was rummaging through my archives today and found an old post I had saved: "Frogspawn's Evilness Made Easy". It was posted on Aug 23, 2001 at 17:18 (in the General category here, and thus lost to us now). Presently:
Category Warrior Mages -- The Warrior Mage Scrolls (22)
Topic General Discussions (4)
Message Re: Evil War-Mages? (11527)
By CHRISP-1 (Innate Sarcasm Resistance)
On Aug 23, 2001 at 17:18
>>I find it amusing that you all choose to follow the rest of the sheep, I however am always willing to learn new ways to Role-Play. It is my belief that a War-Mage has no need to be Honorable, we as a Guild in general have nothing to offer that other guilds actively seek out as a service. Now it seems our Guru's expect us to be Happy and Nice, give me a reason to be. I make my living by sword and spell, not by honoring you. Like it or not with this Seminar will come an entirely new flood of Evil Prodigies, ready to use their new found excuse to be a snert. I simply choose to be ahead of the game and know the tricks of the trade so as not to become a victim. Keeping pace with the Jones' so to speak. Do I have to learn to be evil, no. Do I need to learn to be evil and stay within policies of this game? Yes. I suggest you look further into your guild member's posts, before condemning them. My guild is first and foremost when I consider my allies. I choose to protect my interests with a cover of darkness.
I can hold my own evil seminar right here on the boards. It's a twelve step system, made easy through years of research and focus groups.
I now present my twelve-step evilness program:
Frogspawn's Evilness Made Easy:
Step one: Overcapitalization. Overcapilitazion will show that you have a feeling of Megolomania, thus letting everyone else know that you are, in fact, an Evil Villian. Megolomania is an important part of all Evil character, and letting everyone know that every other Noun may in fact be part of your Evil Plan by capilizing it stimulates a productive Evil Role-Playing Environment. It seems that you, The Dark One, already excel in the catagory. Also, Pureblade is also becoming more evil, changing his account name from lower case to all capital letters. Good job, you get a gold star.
Step two: Overuse of The Word Evil. Certain synonyms may also be applicable. Overuse of the words will allow you to feel Evil. Self-Confidence is a necessity to all Evil Role-Players, and you just be sure of your Evilness. Don't hide it, don't be ashamed of it, let the whole World know you're proud of your Evilness.
Step three: Dress in All Black. This Step is fairly self-explanatory, and has be passed down for centuries among Evildoers everywhere. Although people won't suspect you of being Evil simply because you dress in all black, as soon as they realize your are Evil, your black clothing will make you look all the more Nefarious.
Step four: The Gimmick. Every Evil person needs a Gimmick, which is usually drawn from their motivation for becoming Evil. If this motivation is due to an early childhood tragedy, abuse, or neglect, the Gimmick become that much more effective and believable. This is a key step for Evilness everywhere.
Step five: The Evil Laugh. Another essential in every Evil Arsenal. The Evil Laugh is a multipurpose tool, with uses too numerous to list here. Adding your own flavor to the standard Muahaha, or Mwaaahaa can aid you in the development of your Gimmick.
Step six: Notification. Make sure people know you're roleplaying. The best way to do this is with the yell or say verb, for example:
>>You say, "OOC: There's such thing as Roleplaying, you Idiot."
Step seven: The Overelaborate Evil Plot. Where would your typical Evil Guy be without an Evil Plot? When it comes to Evil Plots, there's only one rule: the more Overelaborate, the better. Also, every successful Evil Plot must involve the Kidnapping of a female to lure the hero to your Evil Lair. It may seem formulaic, but it works.
Step eight: The Evil Lair. This is a tough one in DR, and real estate is hard to come by. Typically, the Evil Lair of the less fortunate Evildoer would be the back of his van, a dark alley, or the local Arby's (what could be more Evil than Arby's). Also, a makeshift dungeon is under the local convenience store is available to the resourceful Evildoer. Unfortunatly, all of this things are hard to come by in DR (except for Arby's, consider yourself very fortunate). Houses are very difficult to make Evil, as seen by the following IG log:
>>Evilguy says, "Get into my Evil Lair of Eternal Pain"
>>Helpless Female Kidnapping Victim Used as a Hack Device to Advance the Plot glances at a treehouse.
>>Helpless Female Kidnapping Victim Used as a Hack Device to Advance the Plot says, "The treehouse is the Evil Lair of Eternal Pain."
>>Evilguys says, "Dammit, it's an Evil Treehouse, I just couldn't get the alterer to agree to the Bottomless pit of Dispair or the Rotating Blades of Death."
As seen in this example, houses don't make good Evil Lairs. A Fortress of Ice can make a cheap, portable, inpenetrale Evil Lair, and the natural chillyness gives it a built in Torture Device. I highly recommend it.
Step nine: Weapon of Mass Destruction. If you want to be a proper Evildoer, you damn well be ready to force the Hero to fight you by threatening Total Destruction of All That he Loves and Is Important to Him. I suggest an army of Evil Animals Trained to Use Crossbows, perhaps Monkeys, Lemurs, or Cats.
Step ten: Never Say Anything Policitally Incorrect. Evildoers can commit any crime they want. The cannot, however, under any circumstances, say anything Politically Incorrect or Potentially Offensive to any demographic. If there's one thing that can defeat Weapons of Mass Destruction and Overelaborate Evil Plans with consistancy, it's Fascist Liberal Lobbying Groups.
Step eleven: Overelaborate Final Battle. The Final Battle has to last longer than any previous battle. Shapeshifting is a must, if you don't fight in at least four different forms, you just aren't cut out to be an Evildoer. When you are about to lose The Final Battle, always reveal that you never meant to be bad, but were forced into it by psychological or family problems (see step four). Saying something like "OOC: Stop I'm crying at my keyboard" is advised. Then when your opponent is incapacitated with emotion, take a cheap shot at them.
Step twelve: Always Lose. Bad Guys don't win, it's just the way the Evildoing World works. However, if you do win, make sure to rewrite history so that it shows you were never evil to begin with. I'd show a few examples (colonial america) but it really wouldn't be prudent at this juncture (crusades) so I don't feel the need (Carter) to notify you at this time.
-Frogspawn
