Alright well first how ethical is it to have bonding or near bonded relationships as multiple characters with different players? Second question is it fair to set up a main character with a secondary or tertiary or alt? Is it fair to have an alt in game flirting or pursuing relationships when you are with your spouse/gf/bf/significant other? Is it fair for one person to have a single character expect a player/player commitment with someone who roleplays multiple characters or even multiple accounts? When is it time to say the relationship is over ? When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year? (real life time not ig)
TARMELA
Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/27/2008 11:10 PM CST
NJP
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/27/2008 11:41 PM CST
Interesting questions, and I love to speculate and philosophize so I'm compelled to weigh in.
>>first how ethical is it to have bonding or near bonded relationships as multiple characters with different players?
Players are players, characters are characters. What a player does with each of their characters need not have any bearing on their other characters. Thus, it's not unethical in the least for a player to have as many characters as they want bonded to as many different players' characters as they like.
>>Second question is it fair to set up a main character with a secondary or tertiary or alt?
I'm making the assumption you mean one player's primary with another player's secondary/tertiary/alt, and responding to that. There's no inherent unfairness about it, again, characters are characters. I would suggest, though, that the player of the non-primary character at least disclose that fact ahead of time so that the other player doesn't expect their character's spouse to be around more than they might really be.
>>Is it fair to have an alt in game flirting or pursuing relationships when you are with your spouse/gf/bf/significant other?
This question is a little harder to decipher. I'm assuming you mean a player who has a primary character involved with a real life loved-one's character? In that situation I'm not sure it's a matter of fairness, but it falls under the realm of ethics. I'd say it's not unethical if the loved-one gives the player the okay to do it. On another level though, my honest advice is not to do it if you truly value the OOC/RL relationship. Personal experience speaking there.
>>Is it fair for one person to have a single character expect a player/player commitment with someone who roleplays multiple characters or even multiple accounts?
No, on the surface of the question that is not fair.
>>When is it time to say the relationship is over ? When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year? (real life time not ig)
This is a rough one. I've had personal experiences in this realm as well. Ultimately only each individual can answer that for themselves, as we all have our own tolerances and experiences. That having been said, I think I'd draw the line at a month, myself. If they haven't contacted you through any means during that time, and didn't explain there would be an absence ahead of time, there may still be some brief rough feelings if they return at some point, but nobody should hold it against you beyond a certain amount of initial feeling of, "rejection," if you move on after a month. To do so would be ridiculous. This again falls into the scope of, "characters are just characters." We as players tend to have some emotional investment in their lives, but they need to have definite break-points.
Hope any of that is helpful at all.
Denstimar Dustyfoot
Idon Raider - www.idonraiders.com
"Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?" - Walt Whitman
>>first how ethical is it to have bonding or near bonded relationships as multiple characters with different players?
Players are players, characters are characters. What a player does with each of their characters need not have any bearing on their other characters. Thus, it's not unethical in the least for a player to have as many characters as they want bonded to as many different players' characters as they like.
>>Second question is it fair to set up a main character with a secondary or tertiary or alt?
I'm making the assumption you mean one player's primary with another player's secondary/tertiary/alt, and responding to that. There's no inherent unfairness about it, again, characters are characters. I would suggest, though, that the player of the non-primary character at least disclose that fact ahead of time so that the other player doesn't expect their character's spouse to be around more than they might really be.
>>Is it fair to have an alt in game flirting or pursuing relationships when you are with your spouse/gf/bf/significant other?
This question is a little harder to decipher. I'm assuming you mean a player who has a primary character involved with a real life loved-one's character? In that situation I'm not sure it's a matter of fairness, but it falls under the realm of ethics. I'd say it's not unethical if the loved-one gives the player the okay to do it. On another level though, my honest advice is not to do it if you truly value the OOC/RL relationship. Personal experience speaking there.
>>Is it fair for one person to have a single character expect a player/player commitment with someone who roleplays multiple characters or even multiple accounts?
No, on the surface of the question that is not fair.
>>When is it time to say the relationship is over ? When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year? (real life time not ig)
This is a rough one. I've had personal experiences in this realm as well. Ultimately only each individual can answer that for themselves, as we all have our own tolerances and experiences. That having been said, I think I'd draw the line at a month, myself. If they haven't contacted you through any means during that time, and didn't explain there would be an absence ahead of time, there may still be some brief rough feelings if they return at some point, but nobody should hold it against you beyond a certain amount of initial feeling of, "rejection," if you move on after a month. To do so would be ridiculous. This again falls into the scope of, "characters are just characters." We as players tend to have some emotional investment in their lives, but they need to have definite break-points.
Hope any of that is helpful at all.
Denstimar Dustyfoot
Idon Raider - www.idonraiders.com
"Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?" - Walt Whitman
LORZELOPHIA
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 12:01 AM CST
>>Alright well first how ethical is it to have bonding or near bonded relationships as multiple characters with different players? Second question is it fair to set up a main character with a secondary or tertiary or alt? Is it fair to have an alt in game flirting or pursuing relationships when you are with your spouse/gf/bf/significant other? Is it fair for one person to have a single character expect a player/player commitment with someone who roleplays multiple characters or even multiple accounts?
It's perfectly ethical if each of the relationships is roleplayed and has no out of game component.
This is a roleplaying game, so I think it's reasonable to expect that people's separate, unrelated characters are free to live their lives as separate entities. And that players roleplaying a romantic liason may not share their characters' roleplayed feelings.
It's important that everything is clear to each player involved though. It seems like you're confusing players and characters, as NJP pointed out. If someone bonds their character to your character, this doesn't make that player your spouse, or your girlfriend or whatever. This makes their character your character 's spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend or what-have-you. This is an important distinction. I don't think you'd have any claim on the player except (hopefully?) as a friend.
>>When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year?
Depends?
Pheniks whispers, "I'm not the one that will, just wait for it you snert"
...
Aidek comes out of hiding.
* Aidek fires a barbed arrow at you. You evade.
The barbed arrow lands nearby!
It's perfectly ethical if each of the relationships is roleplayed and has no out of game component.
This is a roleplaying game, so I think it's reasonable to expect that people's separate, unrelated characters are free to live their lives as separate entities. And that players roleplaying a romantic liason may not share their characters' roleplayed feelings.
It's important that everything is clear to each player involved though. It seems like you're confusing players and characters, as NJP pointed out. If someone bonds their character to your character, this doesn't make that player your spouse, or your girlfriend or whatever. This makes their character your character 's spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend or what-have-you. This is an important distinction. I don't think you'd have any claim on the player except (hopefully?) as a friend.
>>When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year?
Depends?
Pheniks whispers, "I'm not the one that will, just wait for it you snert"
...
Aidek comes out of hiding.
* Aidek fires a barbed arrow at you. You evade.
The barbed arrow lands nearby!
JULIAN
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 01:56 AM CST
>>ethics question<<
http://www.fatbraintoys.com/toy_companies/melissa_doug/shape_sorting_cube.cfm
- Mazrian
The Flying Company
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d194/huldahspal/flyingcompany.png
http://www.fatbraintoys.com/toy_companies/melissa_doug/shape_sorting_cube.cfm
- Mazrian
The Flying Company
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d194/huldahspal/flyingcompany.png
DAE83
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 05:51 AM CST
This is a fun topic only because i've encountered interesting situations.
Generally in the end it all comes down to player preferences, and there is really no shame or harm in two players sitting back for a moment and dicussing what would maximize their IG fun.
Generally I found it pretty annoying to have my Primary character bonded to someone's secondary character when it came to the level of Roleplay my character was invovled in. She would attend Zero of the IG events due to her other characters which did not fit well into the primary reason for my character to have a girlfriend to ATTEND the boring social events with, so in that case when it became a question of Roleplay and if the situaton was maintainable.
Then i've seen people who work out great roleplay that fit their taste, it really comes down to who you are dealing with. If you want to roleplay a die hard faithful charater, then swapping husbands when you don't see him for awhile sort of detracts away from that, expecailly considering people come and go often some for vastly different reasons.
So while not unethical or ethical it is important to agree with the other player upon the situations of the relatioships they are willing to work in certain ways. Open communication, is where i found the best roleplay can be established between those working as partners in DR.
"So like I said, don't take it personally. All cultures have their share of fools. It's just that we always felt yours had a lot more than ours."
~~Warrior Mage Guild Leader Senfrislor, The Prydaen in Their Own Words~~
Generally in the end it all comes down to player preferences, and there is really no shame or harm in two players sitting back for a moment and dicussing what would maximize their IG fun.
Generally I found it pretty annoying to have my Primary character bonded to someone's secondary character when it came to the level of Roleplay my character was invovled in. She would attend Zero of the IG events due to her other characters which did not fit well into the primary reason for my character to have a girlfriend to ATTEND the boring social events with, so in that case when it became a question of Roleplay and if the situaton was maintainable.
Then i've seen people who work out great roleplay that fit their taste, it really comes down to who you are dealing with. If you want to roleplay a die hard faithful charater, then swapping husbands when you don't see him for awhile sort of detracts away from that, expecailly considering people come and go often some for vastly different reasons.
So while not unethical or ethical it is important to agree with the other player upon the situations of the relatioships they are willing to work in certain ways. Open communication, is where i found the best roleplay can be established between those working as partners in DR.
"So like I said, don't take it personally. All cultures have their share of fools. It's just that we always felt yours had a lot more than ours."
~~Warrior Mage Guild Leader Senfrislor, The Prydaen in Their Own Words~~
SCHWARTZH6
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 07:23 AM CST
>>If you want to roleplay a die hard faithful charater...
I think I can name only one couple IG that actually fits this description.
Just wanted to throw that out there. (Prove me wrong people!)
~Player of "One of the Caels."
Queen of Non-Sequitors
I think I can name only one couple IG that actually fits this description.
Just wanted to throw that out there. (Prove me wrong people!)
~Player of "One of the Caels."
Queen of Non-Sequitors
SERC
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 08:26 AM CST
"When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year? (real life time not ig)"
27 hours.
Well, actuatly, 24. But if you want to make sure you can forever cry foul and abandonment by them all over the crossings gweths, go 27. It shows you waited that extra time just in case.
-Serc
Idon Raider
"We, the disenfranchised men and women of Elanthia do, by the publishing of this accord, cast off the oppressive yoke of all law and nations and choose for ourselves a path of loyalty unto ourselves"
27 hours.
Well, actuatly, 24. But if you want to make sure you can forever cry foul and abandonment by them all over the crossings gweths, go 27. It shows you waited that extra time just in case.
-Serc
Idon Raider
"We, the disenfranchised men and women of Elanthia do, by the publishing of this accord, cast off the oppressive yoke of all law and nations and choose for ourselves a path of loyalty unto ourselves"
TOOTHLESSRAIDER
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 09:54 AM CST
<<how ethical is it to have bonding or near bonded relationships>>
as long as everything is contextual.
<<as multiple characters with different players?>>
as long as it isn't a way of acting out on self-destructive impulses.
Promiscuity (kink, in this case), in and of itself, is ok. But as an MO for self-denigration, and employed as a verra unhealthy, mal-adaptive survival strategy, i suggest that introspection, self awareness and perhaps some medication would be a better idea.
:oP Ragran
Idon Raider
____We, the disenfranchised men and women of Elanthia do, by the publishing of this accord, cast off the oppressive yoke of all law and nations and choose for ourselves a path of loyalty unto ourselves
_____www.idonraiders.com
as long as everything is contextual.
<<as multiple characters with different players?>>
as long as it isn't a way of acting out on self-destructive impulses.
Promiscuity (kink, in this case), in and of itself, is ok. But as an MO for self-denigration, and employed as a verra unhealthy, mal-adaptive survival strategy, i suggest that introspection, self awareness and perhaps some medication would be a better idea.
:oP Ragran
Idon Raider
____We, the disenfranchised men and women of Elanthia do, by the publishing of this accord, cast off the oppressive yoke of all law and nations and choose for ourselves a path of loyalty unto ourselves
_____www.idonraiders.com
MSMUPPET710
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 01:04 PM CST
>>first how ethical is it to have bonding or near bonded relationships as multiple characters with different players?>>
I have multiple characters on two accounts. I would find it perfectly eithicle to bond/date other characters. They are their own separate people in the text world. However, only if you are open and honest with all the other parties.
It is a text game, but behind every character there is a person with feelings.
If you do, bond/date multiple people in game, just realize, its the same in real life, what if bonded mate #1 wants to spend time with you, yet so does bonded mate #2 and #3 etc and vice versa? That just spells trouble and breakups.
>>Second question is it fair to set up a main character with a secondary or tertiary or alt?>>
Speaking from experience...my main character, for the past 6 years, is married to an alt of another person. I personaly would not advise it. It is highly annoying at times to have to explain why the husband is never around. My character some times wishes to hunt or whatever with her husband and can't. However, for my character at least, a bond is a bond and she wont break it or have any side relationships. But now she's not my main so it really doesnt matter and a 5+ year marriage, we are friends in and out of game and at this point I really don't care should he date/flirt with anyone else. If we were activly married in game and spending time with our characters together maybe it would be a different story i dunno.
>>Is it fair to have an alt in game flirting or pursuing relationships when you are with your spouse/gf/bf/significant other?
I'm not sure if you are talking RL here or what. If I was married in RL, I would not be getting married in game unless the understanding of no funky stuff in game was in place. Now if you are talking IG, sure why not each character is their own person but if your primary bonded mate finds out or cares...then you have a problem. I personaly would hate it.
>>Is it fair for one person to have a single character expect a player/player commitment with someone who roleplays multiple characters or even multiple accounts?
No I do not think it is fair. Your main and only character has to give up too much time with their mate and it would get very annoying after time and would end up bad.
>>When is it time to say the relationship is over ? When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year? (real life time not ig)
Well it all just depends. Just as a personal example, I was rushed to the hospital and stuck there for 2 weeks and even when I got home I really was not able to get in game or whatnot for some time. So my character's husband would not have heard from me in at least 3 weeks. But luckily I was able to call him on my cell from the hospital to let him know. But I would say a month is a good cut off time, if you are itching to find someone else. When it comes to my IG marriage, neither of us plays those characters much anymore so I would just stay bonded forever if ya ask me.
Just my two coppers
I have multiple characters on two accounts. I would find it perfectly eithicle to bond/date other characters. They are their own separate people in the text world. However, only if you are open and honest with all the other parties.
It is a text game, but behind every character there is a person with feelings.
If you do, bond/date multiple people in game, just realize, its the same in real life, what if bonded mate #1 wants to spend time with you, yet so does bonded mate #2 and #3 etc and vice versa? That just spells trouble and breakups.
>>Second question is it fair to set up a main character with a secondary or tertiary or alt?>>
Speaking from experience...my main character, for the past 6 years, is married to an alt of another person. I personaly would not advise it. It is highly annoying at times to have to explain why the husband is never around. My character some times wishes to hunt or whatever with her husband and can't. However, for my character at least, a bond is a bond and she wont break it or have any side relationships. But now she's not my main so it really doesnt matter and a 5+ year marriage, we are friends in and out of game and at this point I really don't care should he date/flirt with anyone else. If we were activly married in game and spending time with our characters together maybe it would be a different story i dunno.
>>Is it fair to have an alt in game flirting or pursuing relationships when you are with your spouse/gf/bf/significant other?
I'm not sure if you are talking RL here or what. If I was married in RL, I would not be getting married in game unless the understanding of no funky stuff in game was in place. Now if you are talking IG, sure why not each character is their own person but if your primary bonded mate finds out or cares...then you have a problem. I personaly would hate it.
>>Is it fair for one person to have a single character expect a player/player commitment with someone who roleplays multiple characters or even multiple accounts?
No I do not think it is fair. Your main and only character has to give up too much time with their mate and it would get very annoying after time and would end up bad.
>>When is it time to say the relationship is over ? When you have not heard from them in a week? a month? a year? (real life time not ig)
Well it all just depends. Just as a personal example, I was rushed to the hospital and stuck there for 2 weeks and even when I got home I really was not able to get in game or whatnot for some time. So my character's husband would not have heard from me in at least 3 weeks. But luckily I was able to call him on my cell from the hospital to let him know. But I would say a month is a good cut off time, if you are itching to find someone else. When it comes to my IG marriage, neither of us plays those characters much anymore so I would just stay bonded forever if ya ask me.
Just my two coppers
LEMAGRAG
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 07:45 PM CST
>>This is a roleplaying game, so I think it's reasonable to expect that people's separate, unrelated characters are free to live their lives as separate entities.
This.
Personally, I just avoid it altogether because not everyone feels as above.
My main character is more or less functionally insane and is mired in his own "noble" passions.
My thief is too aloof to sustain a relationship, though he may use people for short-term personal gain (read: profit).
My moon mage is too focused on power and other gnomely machinations.
I, as a player, am too scared of crazies who don't abide by the quoted text above.
Just my two cents.
~player of Gulphphunger
This.
Personally, I just avoid it altogether because not everyone feels as above.
My main character is more or less functionally insane and is mired in his own "noble" passions.
My thief is too aloof to sustain a relationship, though he may use people for short-term personal gain (read: profit).
My moon mage is too focused on power and other gnomely machinations.
I, as a player, am too scared of crazies who don't abide by the quoted text above.
Just my two cents.
~player of Gulphphunger
LORDHAWKING
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/28/2008 10:40 PM CST
>>I think I can name only one couple IG that actually fits this description.
>>Just wanted to throw that out there. (Prove me wrong people!)
It has been 392 years, 273 days since the Victory of Lanival the Redeemer.
It is the 7th month of Moliko the Balance in the year of the Silver Unicorn.
You affirmed your vows before the gods in the 9th month of Dolefaren the Brigantine (ship) in the year of the Crystal Snow Hare, 377.
My wife was gone from Nov/Dec of 2005 until last Jan/Feb or so. She was around a couple RL months after that, then vanished yet again. As it's RPed, the marriage is still going strong, although I'm sure there are relationships that have lasted longer.
Is that a sword? Luxury!
Is that a horse? Sloth!
Is that a helmet? Vanity!
>>Just wanted to throw that out there. (Prove me wrong people!)
It has been 392 years, 273 days since the Victory of Lanival the Redeemer.
It is the 7th month of Moliko the Balance in the year of the Silver Unicorn.
You affirmed your vows before the gods in the 9th month of Dolefaren the Brigantine (ship) in the year of the Crystal Snow Hare, 377.
My wife was gone from Nov/Dec of 2005 until last Jan/Feb or so. She was around a couple RL months after that, then vanished yet again. As it's RPed, the marriage is still going strong, although I'm sure there are relationships that have lasted longer.
Is that a sword? Luxury!
Is that a horse? Sloth!
Is that a helmet? Vanity!
DIAME
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/29/2008 03:21 AM CST
People change, things change. Real life changes can affect a lot of ingame things. A lot depends on who you're RPing with and how seriously they take it. Gracefully rolling with the punches helps as well as a healthy sense of humor if things go south. Don't use DR to shop for a real life relationship. If a real life friendship/relationship/marriage comes from it then very cool but never go into it looking for that. You just get hurt and make the other person feel bad and want to avoid you.
My main was a diehard faithful wife, got dumped and is now very happily single and does a lot of weird stuff to make sure she stays that way until the day that one guy she can't say no to shows up. My 'other main' is happily blissfully married and will be for life (if all goes well). One of my alts is married to someone else's alt and it works out okay for the most part but I can't be at some of the events with him that I'd like to be. My other alts are very single or in super casual off and on dating things because there's no way I could devote that kind of time to it. Trying to spread yourself out too thin leads to stress, fighting and anxiety and it's not worth it.
My main was a diehard faithful wife, got dumped and is now very happily single and does a lot of weird stuff to make sure she stays that way until the day that one guy she can't say no to shows up. My 'other main' is happily blissfully married and will be for life (if all goes well). One of my alts is married to someone else's alt and it works out okay for the most part but I can't be at some of the events with him that I'd like to be. My other alts are very single or in super casual off and on dating things because there's no way I could devote that kind of time to it. Trying to spread yourself out too thin leads to stress, fighting and anxiety and it's not worth it.
DIAME
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/29/2008 03:23 AM CST
Oh and one more thing. The day after you break the bond, the other party will return. Never fails.
DINERGRRL
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/29/2008 10:14 AM CST
You affirmed your vows before the gods in the 5th month of Uthmor the Giant in the year of the Crystal Snow Hare, 370.
We were actually married longer but I rerolled the character about a RL year in.
Plus we're one of those super-nerd, met through DR and accidentally got attached, fell in love, got married and procreated couples, too, so a text divorce would be the least of his troubles now =)
We were actually married longer but I rerolled the character about a RL year in.
Plus we're one of those super-nerd, met through DR and accidentally got attached, fell in love, got married and procreated couples, too, so a text divorce would be the least of his troubles now =)
CULLEN1
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/29/2008 10:20 AM CST
>You affirmed your vows before the gods in the 9th month of Dolefaren the Brigantine (ship) in the year of the Crystal Snow Hare, 377.
>I'm sure there are relationships that have lasted longer.
You affirmed your vows before the gods in the 8th month of Skullcleaver the Dwarven Axe in the year of the Golden Panther, 373. (September of 2003 I think?)
>I'm sure there are relationships that have lasted longer.
You affirmed your vows before the gods in the 8th month of Skullcleaver the Dwarven Axe in the year of the Golden Panther, 373. (September of 2003 I think?)
NJP
Re: Relationship Ethics in an online game and when is it time to say goodbye?
11/29/2008 02:46 PM CST
>>Plus we're one of those super-nerd, met through DR and accidentally got attached, fell in love, got married and procreated couples, too, so a text divorce would be the least of his troubles now =)
Yeah, the wife of my first DR character and I met as different characters playing another game around '96. Migrated together to playing DR in '97. Our characters were married in '98 I believe, well before the actual bonded/marriage stuff had been implemented. We met in person for the first time in 2002, got married in RL in 2005 and our daughter is closing in on 2 years old now.
We don't play those old, original characters anymore, but she's still the only player I'll RP any kind of serious romantic attachment with. :)
Denstimar Dustyfoot
Idon Raider - www.idonraiders.com
"Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?" - Walt Whitman
Yeah, the wife of my first DR character and I met as different characters playing another game around '96. Migrated together to playing DR in '97. Our characters were married in '98 I believe, well before the actual bonded/marriage stuff had been implemented. We met in person for the first time in 2002, got married in RL in 2005 and our daughter is closing in on 2 years old now.
We don't play those old, original characters anymore, but she's still the only player I'll RP any kind of serious romantic attachment with. :)
Denstimar Dustyfoot
Idon Raider - www.idonraiders.com
"Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?" - Walt Whitman
