If such a journal was found, you would see a battered salt-stained leather journal with the initials 'V.S.' scratched into it. Upon opening it, one would find low grade parchment stitched inside and flipping through the pages one would notice that the writer did not seem to care about what sort of ink was used, if ink was used at all. Rusty red, smeared black, crusty yellow among some other types. Looking over the writing, you try to figure out if the author was a young child or just an incompetent, as reading it would give even the most scholarly a migraine.
Again, if such was written, then perhaps this is what you would read, after your mental capacity has dropped several IQ points just to get in the right frame of mind to understand what is written.
"Finally got whut Ma said ta get, well, me did find it. Hoop found it. Dunno, what me write first? Oh, did write dis first, Ma like dat. Dis writing stuff harder den it look like, big boat rolling around make hard to think and put stuff down in dis thing. So, what Hoop write? I gots it, Hoop write what Hoop did, help Hoop remember stuff. Old Boy help Hoop remember. Oh, da date? Dunno da date, Hoop write 363, cause dat what he hear some hooman say.
Welp, dis whut happened to ole Hoop today. Hoop minding own stuff looking fer rats to chew on, Hoop need mojo rat cause Hoop not have mojo rat yet, and Ma said iffn Hoop leave fields dat Hoop need mojo rat. Well, Hoop not find mojo rat, but find good eating rats aplenty. Well, big boat come into town, hoomans and pointy ears making lots of racket when come to town. Dun bother Hoop none cause Hoop stay hidden most of time in place like dis, else dey all want to cut Hoops tail off and Hoop likes tail.
So, Hoop who finds a nice fat rat, and rat run away and crawls up large rope so Hoop follows rat cause Hoop be thinking fat rat be good mojo rat. Hoop catches rat, and indeed, rat make good mojo rat. After running after rat all over and up and down boxes and ropes, Hoop be tired, and Hoop sleeps.
Now, Hoop do wake up with sick feeling in tummy, land shaking side to side, up and down, this way and dat way. Not make Hoop feel so good, so Hoop look around and gets big surprise, Hoop not on land, Hoop on big boat. How Hoop get here, dun remember getting on no boat, maybe mojo rat brought Hoop on big boat.
So, here Hoop be now, hiding by big barrels as hoomans and pointy ears move about on boat. Dun know what to do, so Hoop bored and now done writing as Hoop get hungry. Mojo rat bring Hoop here, so got to be good stew rats on dis big ole boat."
At the end of the writing is a big red smudge that has begun to flake.
DR-SHAKAHN
DR-SHAKAHN
A journal or?
02/23/2006 07:01 PM CST
Again, if such a thing exists, one could open up a battered salt-stained leather journal with the initials 'V.S.' scratched into it and possibly read the following.
"Been more than one and one andu since Hoop did put stuff into book thing. Hoop did see lots of water Hoop did, lots and lots. Hoop also gets to peek in barrel and crates, tall folk got good eatins. Just not as good as rat stew Ma always makes.
Hoop did see a Goblin on board dis boat, not know what name of Goblin, but Goblins no friend of Hoops. Always picking on folks back in the fields, take good rats from us. Tall folks always yelling at Goblin, tink Goblin cook, and it do smells good ta Hoop. Pah, Hoop gets back to Goblin later.
Hoop make new friend, Captn' Pointy-ears, he done tell Hoop name, but Hoop not remember name, but Hoop like Captn Pointy-ears better. But, as Hoop do say, Hoop meet new friend andu after Hoop writes last time. Now, Hoop minding own business with head in barrel of ale, seeing how long Hoop can keep head in ale. Hoop last good time, Hoop get lots of ale down, but big hooman hands gripped Hoop by back of neck.?
(an extra line is scrawled in this part of the journal after the original text had been written)
"That hurt, by the way, left big marks on neck for at least one and one andu later.
Now, hooman got Hoop up off of feet by back of neck, shaking Hoop like Hoop was hooman's mojo rat. He was yelling something about Hoop being a thief, and stowaway. Hoop not stow nothing away, Hoop was just having a drink, and stupid hoomans dun know nuffin. Well, big dumb Human tosses Hoop in front of a pointy-ear, guess pointy-ear big man or sumptin.
Well, Hoop did sit there, had to rub me neck because that hurt a lot. Captn. Pointy-ear yell at Hoop for a few roisaen, dun catch all that was said cause Hoop watching all the other hoomans and pointy-ears coming up and standing around ole Hoop.
Well, Hoop catches one last thing that brought Hoop attention back to big head guy pointy-ear. "Toss 'im overboard". Mmm, lot of water out there, and Hoop not at all good with staying above water, way too far to walk on bottom. Hoops no wanna go, so Hoop does what any Kobold would do. Hoop grab big head guy pointy-ear by leg and hang on like was favorite mojo rat all the while Hoop saying anything that Hoop can think of. "Hoop not do it, Hoop no swim. Hoop like big head guy pointy-ear. Hoop not wanna go into water." Think Hoop say more dan that, but Hoop scared at that time, so Hoop can say lots of stuff and not remember.
Lot of tall folk try to yank Hoop off of big pointy-ear's leg, but Hoop strong and hold on. Lots of laughing, and Hoop hear name of one who laugh, Syeran. Hoop not see dis Syeran, but hear big head guy pointy-ear say name and wanting to know what be funny about dis. Then they speak in funny language Hoop done hear before, pointy-ear talk. Sound like goblin after sharp stick been stuck in 'is behind.
Dunno how long Hoop hold on, but pointy-ears stop talking and others finally let go of Hoop. Captn. Pointy-ears tells Hoop he not going to throw Hoop overboard now, IF Hoop let go of 'is leg. Hoop leg go, but ready to grab leg iffn Captn. Pointy-ears try to toss Hoop off boat. Did Hoop say dat big head pointy-ear say he Captn? Captn something or another, think it starts with an A, or E. Dunno, so Hoop just remembers, Captn. Pointy-ear.
Well, Captn. Pointy-ear wanna know what Hoop can do to get food back that Hoop eat. So, Hoop give Captn. a nice fat juicy rat and say, "Rat make good eatin, make rat stew. Captn. get more meat on Captn. cause pointy-ears always skinny, need more rat in diet."
Well, he not want rat, but Captn. laugh, and den tells Hoop rules if Hoop stay on boat. Something about.... Hoop forget, just know Captn. say stay outta barrels and crates, tell Hoop he can eat rats he finds.
Hoop told Hoop can climb up tall tree and sit in basket and watch stuff, and throw water on deck and push water around wood. Stupid pointy-ears, why put more water on wood? Water already comes over on wood all the time, waste of time to put more water on wood and push water around with this thing, fop? Stupid tall people.
Hoop done, Capt. say tomorrow Hoop learn how to scrape barnacles, dunno what dat be, but why they need to be scraped? Wonder what they taste like, Hoop think he likes Captn. Pointy-ears."
After reading such drivle, one may even think of tossing such a journal to the nearest gelapod to save any other unfortunates from reading it.
"Been more than one and one andu since Hoop did put stuff into book thing. Hoop did see lots of water Hoop did, lots and lots. Hoop also gets to peek in barrel and crates, tall folk got good eatins. Just not as good as rat stew Ma always makes.
Hoop did see a Goblin on board dis boat, not know what name of Goblin, but Goblins no friend of Hoops. Always picking on folks back in the fields, take good rats from us. Tall folks always yelling at Goblin, tink Goblin cook, and it do smells good ta Hoop. Pah, Hoop gets back to Goblin later.
Hoop make new friend, Captn' Pointy-ears, he done tell Hoop name, but Hoop not remember name, but Hoop like Captn Pointy-ears better. But, as Hoop do say, Hoop meet new friend andu after Hoop writes last time. Now, Hoop minding own business with head in barrel of ale, seeing how long Hoop can keep head in ale. Hoop last good time, Hoop get lots of ale down, but big hooman hands gripped Hoop by back of neck.?
(an extra line is scrawled in this part of the journal after the original text had been written)
"That hurt, by the way, left big marks on neck for at least one and one andu later.
Now, hooman got Hoop up off of feet by back of neck, shaking Hoop like Hoop was hooman's mojo rat. He was yelling something about Hoop being a thief, and stowaway. Hoop not stow nothing away, Hoop was just having a drink, and stupid hoomans dun know nuffin. Well, big dumb Human tosses Hoop in front of a pointy-ear, guess pointy-ear big man or sumptin.
Well, Hoop did sit there, had to rub me neck because that hurt a lot. Captn. Pointy-ear yell at Hoop for a few roisaen, dun catch all that was said cause Hoop watching all the other hoomans and pointy-ears coming up and standing around ole Hoop.
Well, Hoop catches one last thing that brought Hoop attention back to big head guy pointy-ear. "Toss 'im overboard". Mmm, lot of water out there, and Hoop not at all good with staying above water, way too far to walk on bottom. Hoops no wanna go, so Hoop does what any Kobold would do. Hoop grab big head guy pointy-ear by leg and hang on like was favorite mojo rat all the while Hoop saying anything that Hoop can think of. "Hoop not do it, Hoop no swim. Hoop like big head guy pointy-ear. Hoop not wanna go into water." Think Hoop say more dan that, but Hoop scared at that time, so Hoop can say lots of stuff and not remember.
Lot of tall folk try to yank Hoop off of big pointy-ear's leg, but Hoop strong and hold on. Lots of laughing, and Hoop hear name of one who laugh, Syeran. Hoop not see dis Syeran, but hear big head guy pointy-ear say name and wanting to know what be funny about dis. Then they speak in funny language Hoop done hear before, pointy-ear talk. Sound like goblin after sharp stick been stuck in 'is behind.
Dunno how long Hoop hold on, but pointy-ears stop talking and others finally let go of Hoop. Captn. Pointy-ears tells Hoop he not going to throw Hoop overboard now, IF Hoop let go of 'is leg. Hoop leg go, but ready to grab leg iffn Captn. Pointy-ears try to toss Hoop off boat. Did Hoop say dat big head pointy-ear say he Captn? Captn something or another, think it starts with an A, or E. Dunno, so Hoop just remembers, Captn. Pointy-ear.
Well, Captn. Pointy-ear wanna know what Hoop can do to get food back that Hoop eat. So, Hoop give Captn. a nice fat juicy rat and say, "Rat make good eatin, make rat stew. Captn. get more meat on Captn. cause pointy-ears always skinny, need more rat in diet."
Well, he not want rat, but Captn. laugh, and den tells Hoop rules if Hoop stay on boat. Something about.... Hoop forget, just know Captn. say stay outta barrels and crates, tell Hoop he can eat rats he finds.
Hoop told Hoop can climb up tall tree and sit in basket and watch stuff, and throw water on deck and push water around wood. Stupid pointy-ears, why put more water on wood? Water already comes over on wood all the time, waste of time to put more water on wood and push water around with this thing, fop? Stupid tall people.
Hoop done, Capt. say tomorrow Hoop learn how to scrape barnacles, dunno what dat be, but why they need to be scraped? Wonder what they taste like, Hoop think he likes Captn. Pointy-ears."
After reading such drivle, one may even think of tossing such a journal to the nearest gelapod to save any other unfortunates from reading it.
DR-SHAKAHN
Re: A journal or?
03/11/2006 04:11 PM CST
If only this actually exists, a battered salt-stained leather journal with the initials 'V.S.' lays open for all to see, or not. This andu's writting is in a slick black ink, shiny and smudged in many places.
"Hoop not sure he like Barnacle picking. Hoop not know how to swim, and pointy-ears toss over rail with rope tied to ankle. Glad Hoop hold breath long time, lots and lots, (for you that dun count, thats one and one and one.) of barnacles. Think Hoop drink lots of salt water, not taste good at all, give Hoop tummy ache. Glad got rope, else Hoop sink to bottom of water. Got bit by something, Hoop bite it back, no bother Hoop no more.
Think Captn. Pointy-ear like Hoop, always calling Hoop for stuff. 'Hoop get dis trash out of here!' 'Hoop, get yer mangy mutt out of my bunk! I don't care if he old, get him out of there.' "Hoop! Where my gold ring! Get that blasted thing out of your nose, no. Never mind, keep it." See, think he like Hoop, give Hoop nice nose ring. Hoop think mojo rat do good thing in bringing Hoop on boat.
Den, that derned Goblin. Hoop not like Garum much, he Goblin, smell funny. But dat dun did change, snuck into kitchen smelling sumthing good, found big kettle full of Rat Stew! RAT STEW!!! Dem hoomans and stuff eat good iffn they eating RAT STEW! Hoop in middle of stuffing rat heads into mouth when big spoon smack Hoops hand.
Hoop turn around and see Goblin staring at me while Hoop sucking rat eye down throat. "What want Goblin face?" Garum just stare at me, dumb Goblin, rat got tongue Hoop think. Den Garum ask, "You like Stew", really dumb goblin to ask Hoop dat, of course Hoop like rat stew. Next thing Hoop know, Garum shoving Hoop to side and slopping the good stuff into helmet and shoves it at Hoop. "Bout time someone like Rat Stew.
Got to look at him now, someone not like Rat Stew? Must be boggle or sumptin iffn they not like that. But Garum say Hoomans and Pointy-ears not eat it much, so Garum eat lots of Rat Stew. So, now Hoop thinking Garum alright, he still stinks, but he make one good kettle of Rat Stew, Ma would be proud of dis stuff
So, Hoop need to find lots of rats, Garum make big kettles of stew, though, got to stir dat kettle more. All the new stuff on top, got to get all old stuff off the bottom, thats the best stuff."
After possibly reading that last passage, you are not sure if you have to heave up your last meal or seek an Empath.
Shakahn
"You say to Alvy, "You, madam, are a peevish, rude-growing jolthead!"
>
Alvy says to you, "You, sir, are a lewd gnome-cruncher!"
>
Alvy laughs!
"Hoop not sure he like Barnacle picking. Hoop not know how to swim, and pointy-ears toss over rail with rope tied to ankle. Glad Hoop hold breath long time, lots and lots, (for you that dun count, thats one and one and one.) of barnacles. Think Hoop drink lots of salt water, not taste good at all, give Hoop tummy ache. Glad got rope, else Hoop sink to bottom of water. Got bit by something, Hoop bite it back, no bother Hoop no more.
Think Captn. Pointy-ear like Hoop, always calling Hoop for stuff. 'Hoop get dis trash out of here!' 'Hoop, get yer mangy mutt out of my bunk! I don't care if he old, get him out of there.' "Hoop! Where my gold ring! Get that blasted thing out of your nose, no. Never mind, keep it." See, think he like Hoop, give Hoop nice nose ring. Hoop think mojo rat do good thing in bringing Hoop on boat.
Den, that derned Goblin. Hoop not like Garum much, he Goblin, smell funny. But dat dun did change, snuck into kitchen smelling sumthing good, found big kettle full of Rat Stew! RAT STEW!!! Dem hoomans and stuff eat good iffn they eating RAT STEW! Hoop in middle of stuffing rat heads into mouth when big spoon smack Hoops hand.
Hoop turn around and see Goblin staring at me while Hoop sucking rat eye down throat. "What want Goblin face?" Garum just stare at me, dumb Goblin, rat got tongue Hoop think. Den Garum ask, "You like Stew", really dumb goblin to ask Hoop dat, of course Hoop like rat stew. Next thing Hoop know, Garum shoving Hoop to side and slopping the good stuff into helmet and shoves it at Hoop. "Bout time someone like Rat Stew.
Got to look at him now, someone not like Rat Stew? Must be boggle or sumptin iffn they not like that. But Garum say Hoomans and Pointy-ears not eat it much, so Garum eat lots of Rat Stew. So, now Hoop thinking Garum alright, he still stinks, but he make one good kettle of Rat Stew, Ma would be proud of dis stuff
So, Hoop need to find lots of rats, Garum make big kettles of stew, though, got to stir dat kettle more. All the new stuff on top, got to get all old stuff off the bottom, thats the best stuff."
After possibly reading that last passage, you are not sure if you have to heave up your last meal or seek an Empath.
Shakahn
"You say to Alvy, "You, madam, are a peevish, rude-growing jolthead!"
>
Alvy says to you, "You, sir, are a lewd gnome-cruncher!"
>
Alvy laughs!
DR-SHAKAHN
Re: A journal or?
05/04/2006 07:04 PM CDT
If only this actually exists, a battered salt-stained leather journal with the initials 'V.S.' lays open for all to see, or not. This andu's writting is in a crusty yellow ink?
"Syeran, dat's da alche. alchl. Pah, hate writing. He make bubbly stuff and keeps them in jars. Yep, he makes some gud stuff too.
He got to like Hoop lots, cause he always call for Hoop to come and visit him in his labra, labri. HIS ROOM. There he let Hoop sample his stuff, this andu, Syeran give Hoop this bottle that got some purple stuff in it. Hoop think there is a finger in it, but Syeran says there no finger, something about some worm from someplace that Hoop never hear before.
Well, Hoop likes his drinks Hoop drinks it down. Thick stuff this is, Hoop almost have to use finger to shove stuff all way down throat. How supposed ta drink stuff if stuff get stuck in throat? Tastes like, dunno, almost taste like 4 andu old dead frog, not bad at all.
Well, it funny, cause Syeran sit there and watch Hoop all the while Hoop digging out last of purple gloop from vial. Did Hoop write that already? Oh, Hoop did, good.
Well, so there Hoop sit, done with purple gloop stuff, and Hoop still hungry and thirsty, but Syeran tell Hoop, "No, nothing to eat or drink yet, need to see how it reacts with you." Well, Hoop not know, why stuff reacts? Makes Hoops tummy gurgle some, like eating a carrot, nasty stuff that is. So Hoop tell Syeran dat Hoop getting tummy ache some, must be other stuff Hoop ate cause purple stuff tasted good.
Well, Syeran nods some and writes stuff on paper like Hoop doing now, maybe he do journal stuff like Hoop do. But Syeran tell Hoop that it alright that Hoop can go, but Hoop hear something about how, "subject shows intended reactions, upon normal subject, excru. excru.. pain would be unbearable and thus effective." Not sure what he mean by subject, and stuff with reactions but that alright, Syeran talk funny like that. He kinda slow, but make good drinks."
You close the journal and try to take in what this passage says.
"Syeran, dat's da alche. alchl. Pah, hate writing. He make bubbly stuff and keeps them in jars. Yep, he makes some gud stuff too.
He got to like Hoop lots, cause he always call for Hoop to come and visit him in his labra, labri. HIS ROOM. There he let Hoop sample his stuff, this andu, Syeran give Hoop this bottle that got some purple stuff in it. Hoop think there is a finger in it, but Syeran says there no finger, something about some worm from someplace that Hoop never hear before.
Well, Hoop likes his drinks Hoop drinks it down. Thick stuff this is, Hoop almost have to use finger to shove stuff all way down throat. How supposed ta drink stuff if stuff get stuck in throat? Tastes like, dunno, almost taste like 4 andu old dead frog, not bad at all.
Well, it funny, cause Syeran sit there and watch Hoop all the while Hoop digging out last of purple gloop from vial. Did Hoop write that already? Oh, Hoop did, good.
Well, so there Hoop sit, done with purple gloop stuff, and Hoop still hungry and thirsty, but Syeran tell Hoop, "No, nothing to eat or drink yet, need to see how it reacts with you." Well, Hoop not know, why stuff reacts? Makes Hoops tummy gurgle some, like eating a carrot, nasty stuff that is. So Hoop tell Syeran dat Hoop getting tummy ache some, must be other stuff Hoop ate cause purple stuff tasted good.
Well, Syeran nods some and writes stuff on paper like Hoop doing now, maybe he do journal stuff like Hoop do. But Syeran tell Hoop that it alright that Hoop can go, but Hoop hear something about how, "subject shows intended reactions, upon normal subject, excru. excru.. pain would be unbearable and thus effective." Not sure what he mean by subject, and stuff with reactions but that alright, Syeran talk funny like that. He kinda slow, but make good drinks."
You close the journal and try to take in what this passage says.
